Mission employment: Resume samples

Some time back, we were looking far and wide for a good, experienced hand who could take some load off our backs. We were happy when we got tons of resumes from various sources. But seeping thru those resumes to shortlist candidates for interviews turned out to be a humbling (and harrowing) experience for many of us. Almost all the resumes were more than 4 pages long, the skillset section had accomplishments that would make a NASA engineer proud, and every other resume had this heavily worded mission (/vision/objective) statement that necessitated us to have a full-blooded Oxford English dictionary by our side to make any sense of what was written.
Take this one, for example: ‘Poised to contribute unique blend of project management, sales and exemplary customer-support skills, along with a commitment to excellence, to your firm’s value by ensuring that projects support strategic mission and objectives within scope, budget, and schedule‘. Reading that one gave me a vivid mental image of a Hollywood superstar (George Clooney, to be precise) in a slick suit hiding behind bushes with a Torch (blackberry) in hand, ready to pounce on an unsuspecting HR agent lost in the woods looking for staffing, who then proceeds to turn around a one-year-old startup into the next General Electric-like conglomerate almost single-handedly (using strategies one gets to see in new age war movies of course). Well, the bubble burst when a scrawny, bespectacled guy turned up at our office mumbling something like ‘I … coming… manager interview…’. Needless to say, we didn’t get our George Clooney (or a NASA engineer).
Or look at this one: ‘Converting IT investments into business value to ensure that collaboration initiatives are aligned with top-level business objectives. AFTER READING THAT ONE, our CIO had severe job security issues and had to undergo counselling for depression and trauma. He’s ok now, but we don’t let him go anywhere near manager resumes.
How about this one: ‘To establish me as an important integrand of the Organization with ample amount of opportunity for growth and innovation-seeking job satisfaction and to assist the organization in achieving its corporate goals. Well, whatever that means.
And then there was this one: ‘I am seeking a position in the Project Management or Project Co-ordination‘. (Lazy bum – you need some serious writing skills training.).
If you ask me, that mission (/vision/objective) statement is just a waste of resume real estate. And if you really feel compelled to have that section, look deep within and write something meaningful to you and the employer. What is your opinion?