It has been a tumultuous 9 year old relationship – a rocky ride with ups and downs. A ride we managed well – up until now. She’s finally out of my life for good. Strangely, I feel relieved. I have heard that ending a relationship can be tough – it would break you and propel you into a downward spiral of depression. On the contrary, here I am, feeling exhilarated, energised and happy! During the few days after she left me, my head has stood by me and controlled the occasional longing I felt for her deep within my heart.
I have started feeling good about myself.
It all started during the last few days of college. She used to hang out with my friends, almost always teasing me with the seductive fragrance she left behind long after she was gone. She was the adventurous kind, the kind that you love to hate, the kind that torments you with her wildness and yet makes you want her. I tried my best to avoid her for a long time, but her closeness with my friends ensured that she never went out of my mind.
And then one day, I lost it. I got her alone and all hell broke loose. As she brushed my lips, I took a deep breath. It gave me a heady feeling, one that I had never experienced before. Even though that one meeting lasted only for a few minutes, I knew I was hooked. After that there was no looking back. We met very frequently. As days, weeks and months passed by, the relationship got stronger. The bond between us had grown so strong that she never left my side. She was always there for me – during times of happiness, frustration or distress. And I knew I could bank on her to encourage me, make me happy or to cajole me. It had got to a point where I could not live without her.
But this long relationship started taking a toll on me. The more time I spent with her, the more I felt drained. I was left gasping for breath on more than one occasion. I knew I had to end it. However hard it would be, I had to end it. Its been going on for long.
And today, I did it! After feeling her and breathing her down for one last time, I stubbed her out. And there she was, under my foot, all mangled but still glowing – the last of my cigarettes!
I am feeling exhilarated, energised and happy! I have started feeling good about myself again.